OMG. We went to the tax refund station, hauling our bags (which we planned to check—passport control at SFO means no waiting for your bags because you have spent 45 minutes in line before you can get to the baggage carousels). Tax refund process absurdly easy—you scan the bar code on the forms and zip, that’s done. So far so good! The signage to departures and baggage check is rather confusing but we knew it was one floor up and found an elevator. The sign at the elevator read as every other elevator sign in Paris, that it is only for the use of those with impaired mobility. We get in. Doors close. We push the button. Nothing happens. We push again…nothing. Again, again. Now I push the emergency button as we cannot open the doors. The small elevator is getting hot. The emergency person comes on, speaking rapid French. I respond in French that the doors will not open. She tells me the elevator cannot be operated without a badge. I repeat that we are in the elevator and the doors will not open. She thinks we are outside, trying to get in. It gets hotter. After some back and forth she tells me someone is coming. Perhaps 5 minutes later we hear scraping and pushing on the door…and a minute of struggle and the doors open to two security guys.

No, it wasn’t the badge problem, clearly, as one of them asks me twice what happened. “The doors wouldn’t open?” He’s confused, we are also confused, and the other guy was fiddling with the elevator as we left.

From that point we walked a long while on the floor above—this terminal is circular and we almost started over again looking for the United counter. Found it, tagged and checked our bags, and then it was another long and confusing walk (the signage is very poor—I had to ask where security was, something most airports are clear about), a line for security which turned out to be simply boarding pass/passport/facial recognition. Another long walk and we arrived at security where the queue for personal baggage was long and the scanning extremely slow. Bags were being pulled seemingly at random for examination, mine included, but he just wanded it and handed it back. But that was another 10-15 minutes. Then another long walk to the lounge; hung out and had some breakfast, long walk to the gate, another queue, Finally we were on board. As soon as we settled in the flight attendants came to ask us to change seats to accommodate a father and daughter, and we agreed. Attendants couldn’t have been nicer and kept insisting we would be compensated. I did have a request: “Will you help me get on wifi? Couldn’t do it on the way over.” We moved; attendant appeared after take-off and, following MANY confusing steps (“Okay, let’s try it on your phone. Huh. Let’s see if we can get on with your iPad…”) got me onto wifi. These big lovely planes…seems like they could do that part a lot better. I need wifi to write this blog, so that was great and we are on our way home!

P.S., against all expectations getting a Global Entry interview at passport control was incredibly easy and fast. Faster than getting in the passport control line!